First post

Two years ago I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant. It was a stressful time because we had been trying for a year and a half, which I recognize that for some who struggle with infertility a year and a half is nothing BUT we were up against the wall in a way.

I have what is called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome which means that I don’t ovulate due to an imbalance of hormones. As such we had taken clomid for about 6 cycles and tried to get pregnant with just sex. Then we did about 4 more cycles with IUI (Intra uterine insemination)and sex and nothing. Then we realized that we only had $1500.00 left of our benefits and decided to take a break and then change providers. One reason was that our reproductive endocrinologist was creepy as fuck. He would come in the days we had the IUI and say “Let’s make a baby!” with this really odd smile while I am laying on the table with my lady bits exposed. WHO DOES THAT??? The other reason was that they should never have let me take clomid for that long with little results wasting our precious benefits.

You see, medical insurance is not nice for those who struggle with infertility. When I worked my insurance provided $3500.00 lifetime max of infertility benefits. We didn’t understand this at first until I called and asked about providers that were covered. We were thinking about going to the University of Minnesota as I had read that they were extremely successful. When I called the insurance company informed me about the lifetime max. That made our decision for us. We switched.

When we went in we knew that we only had one more cycle to get pregnant or it just wasn’t going to happen. They had me do 45 days of follicle stimulating hormone shots in the stomach and this included twice weekly vaginal ultrasounds to watch the follicles and make sure I wasn’t going to release more than 2 or 3 eggs. Then my husband had to give me a HCG booster shot after the IUI and then the dreaded 2 week wait.

My husband said he already knew I was pregnant for the following reasons:

* First and foremost I love ice cream. So when I was trying I cut back on sweets but I would eat one weight watchers ice cream a day to curb my sweet tooth. One night during the 2 week wait he asked me if I wanted my ice cream and I was like “Um..no thanks!” He walked into the room with this look on his face and asked “Are you ok?”

* Then we were watching America’s Got Talent and there was this dance troop on and I just burst out in tears. The story line wasn’t sad or anything. He looked at me and said “You are definitely pregnant!”

I woke up the morning I was to test and had to pee like the dickens. My husband was still asleep and I ran into the bathroom, opened the test while doing the pee dance and then sat and administered the test. I was completely prepared for it to come back negative as it had every time for the last year and a half. I had been looking on my phone at something while I waited and I happened to look at the test on the counter and it said “pregnant”. I did a double take and then my heart started to pound!

I got up and opened our bedroom door and said “Vinh!” he opened his eyes and lifted his head up. I lifted the test and smiled. He didn’t understand what was going on in his sleepy haze and said “What is it?” to which I replied “I’m pregnant!” I walked into the room and sat down on the bed beside him and showed him the test. His response? “Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!”

The thing is…I didn’t talk much to my family about my struggles or the procedures. I figured that unless you’ve gone through it you don’t understand and don’t really want to hear about it. I remember reading all the posts on the message boards of women pissing and moaning and talking incessantly about what cycle day they are on and cervical mucus and all I could think was “These women are completely obsessed!” They even went so far as to skip friends baby showers and not go to family functions because it hurt to much when they saw pregnant women or were asked when they’d be having kids. I didn’t want to be one of THOSE women!

So when my son was born I found there was some confusion as to if he was biologically MY or my husbands baby. What!? I guess people weren’t clear if we used an egg donor or if we used a sperm donor…which we could not afford either of those options and frankly didn’t really need either of them. There is nothing wrong with my husbands swimmers nor my eggs.

My sweet pea!!

My sweet pea!!

So my husband and I wish to have another child. We’ve started the discussions again and are looking into our options.

I started this blog to document the journey that we are about to embark on. This way there is no confusion as to how hard we worked, what we went through and what procedures we had done to get pregnant. I also think it will be a neat thing for the future baby to see these entries.

So the conversation we’ve had is that we need to finish paying off the U of M so that we can go back there. Turns out our $1500.00 didn’t go very far as we ended up owing them something like $1200.00 in charges that occurred after my max had been exhausted. I guess twice weekly vaginal ultrasounds get pretty expensive!

Since I stopped working at Target our benefits have gone to Vinh’s work and his benefits SUCK!!! At Target we had $3500.00 lifetime max not including medicine which was good because the FSH shots that I took cost $900 each. With Vinh’s benefits we have $2500.00 lifetime max INCLUDING meds. We really only have one shot at this.

In the mean time I’m going to be working out at the gym and trying to curb my sugars.

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