Something I don’t really understand….

and it’s something I probably never will either!!

Let me preface this entry by defending myself first before I say what I have to say. I am 38 and in the infertility world that is considered advanced maternal age…which cracks me up every time I hear it. To me advanced maternal age would be 45 but whatever. Let’s not split hairs. The point is I’ve struggled with infertility since my 20’s. My ex husband and I tried for 5 years with 1 pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage. My current husband and I tried for a year and a half before we conceived our son. I completely understand the feelings, hurt and struggle that accompanies infertility.

That being said….here is what I have to say.

So when you are dealing with something as frustrating and as maddening as infertility you need support. Sometimes your family doesn’t or cannot understand what the struggle is like or maybe the don’t know how to offer their support. When I started this journey I found message boards to be helpful…at first.

One of the first things that raised a red flag with me was the amount of time and obsession these women put into trying to conceive. I read post after post about how many DPO they were what kind of CM they had and what the next procedure was and VERY little else. I’ve read a lot of articles about how fertility can cause issues in a marriage and if your wanting to become pregnant borders on obsession then yes….there will be problems. I understand what it is to want to have a baby more than anything else in the world but it’s SO important to remember that there is a whole world out there and people who love you and want to see you. There are things to do and your husband…most of all, your husband. He loves you and wants to talk to you about life…not just DPO and CM.

Find things to do that will distract you like joining a bowling league or some other sports. There are tons of clubs you can join on Meet up from groups that tour museums to people who like to cook. The point is DO STUFF! Believe me…it helps curb the obsession part. Besides being a student and having the distraction of class and homework another thing that helped me curb the obsession and helped my marriage was setting aside time to talk about our struggle each day. We set aside 30 to 60 min each day to talk about it. We talked about how I was feeling and how he was feeling. Believe it or not there is an emotional aspect for your husband during all of this. You need support from him but don’t forget that he needs support also.

The other thing that makes me step back from these boards is when woman say something like “My best friend is pregnant and having a baby shower and I won’t go because it’s just too painful.” or “I am skipping my families christmas because my sister in law is pregnant.” When I was trying to conceive my sweet pea I found out my cousin was pregnant, then my sister in law and then my step sister. Was I jealous?  FUCK YES I was jealous!! But more than anything else I was happy for them! I kind of feel like woman who separate themselves from others because of a pregnancy are self centered and causing themselves to be isolated. Infertility can be a lonely island and the more people you have on your island (pregnant or not) the better you are able to cope with the hard knocks the come from trying to conceive and dealing with infertility.

I’m not judging just making a note of what I’ve seen. As I said before I completely understand the obsession and I understand the hurt and jealousy. I just think there are better ways to deal with all of this.

Now…onto the exciting part of this post. I called the fertility clinic and started the process. First step was to call. Second step will be to fill out the paper work they send me and send it back. After that there will be a consultation appointment.

So that’s where we stand now. In the mean time I am going to the gym and working out. I am cutting carbs and improving my diet. Sugar is the hard part for me…I crave it so bad. Lucky for me I have the internet and can find low car b recipes like this one here. Any way I can curb the sugar craving is helpful.

I’m also monitoring my blood sugar levels to get an idea of what foods raise my blood sugars. So far I’ve found that anything liquid that is sweet (sweet tea, juice, etc..) has more of an effect than baked goods.

So that is where we stand at the moment.


3 thoughts on “Something I don’t really understand….

  1. I totally get what you are getting at and I have said the same thing! I am so happy every time someone I know gets pregnant. Why wouldn’t I? And I know they will be happy for me too. As far as sugar goes….I have some nutrition training and one of the things I learned is do not eat sugar for breakfast bc you will crave it for the rest of the day. I know it is not the same but I eat an apple when I crave sugar as the day goes on. Though my pregnant bestie said “I don’t want to eat an apple!!!!” :).

    • Whew! I am so glad I’m not the only one who see’s these things.
      I think as far as sugar goes…there is heavy addiction on both sides of my family. Some of it alcohol and some of it drugs. I don’t really do either so maybe that’s why I have such a problem giving up the sugar?? *shrug*
      Either way…I’m trying to get better at it and I’ve heard the same thing about eating an apple. I’ve decided to try that. =o)

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