Since my last couple fairly optimistic posts the green eyed monster has come out in full force.
Today a friend of mine posted a picture on Facebook of her youngest son (who will be 3 soon) wearing a shirt that says “I’m the big brother”. Now, I wasn’t sure if that picture meant what I thought it meant or if it meant he was now able to wear his older brothers clothing. I am careful not to just assume that I know all because clearly I don’t (even if I like to think I do! haha).
It wasn’t until that picture was at the top of my feed again that I saw that people were saying “Oh I’m so happy for you! Congrats!” that I realized that the picture did, in fact, mean exactly what I thought it meant. Am I happy for her? Yes! But when you pair this with my step sister who announced a few weeks back that she also is pregnant and is due in December along with my husbands co worker who is due next month it gets to be a bit much.
I try SO HARD not to be jealous and feel bed but it’s so hard when so many people around me can simply get laid to get pregnant. There isn’t thought about how they are going to finance the conception of their child. There isn’t the intrusive pokes, prods, vaginal ultrasounds, and worrying that this cycle might not take and the dreaded TWW.
WHY NOT ME?
IT IS, IN FACT, NOT FAIR!!!
She has three children already, why can’t I be the one to get pregnant easy this time?
I feel bad and damn it…I’m going to let myself feel bad. This fucking sucks!